I am Fantastic.

I finally got to talk to him. And if i may say so myself, BIGGEST DOUCHEBAG IN THE WORLD. Lol.

I didn’t feel like telling him how i feel, so i didn’t. He said it wouldn’t change anything so why bother?

I knew i’d see him today. I had the feeling when i woke up. It caught me off guard though. I walk in and i turn my head and my stomach and my heart just drop. I start shaking and getting hyped up.. WHY? Because he gets me to the point where i miss him so much my heart drops and goes numb, my stomach drops because i get so mad when i know he has someone else, shaking because i just wanna scream how i feel, and getting hyped up because seeing him just makes me happy…

He saw it coming. He knew i’d talk to him and he just didn’t want it to happen.

Surprisingly when i asked him to be honest he for once said , “i guess” . Which in my book is wayyy better than , ” no. ” He knew what was coming.. He tried taking forever to walk out to where i was to talk. But at least he came. I mean he did try standing a couple tables away until i made him move closer. He really didn’t want to see or talk to me. He wouldn’t say exactly why but i think it still hurts him alittle.

I brought up alot. I feel accomplished. Now he knows that i still do think about him. He asked me why i wanted to talk to him about it. All i had to say was, ” It’ll make me feel 100x better. ” and he’s just like, ” Ok..” So he went with it.

He had the balls to say , ” We’re over. ” Um, sweetheart. We’ve been over. I wasn’t asking for you back, i just wanted answers. but nice to know that you have to remind yourself that we’re over.

You don’t want to be my ‘friend’. I don’t care, i just wanted you to be honest about it. And i’m happy you were. I respect it, i really do that’s why i didn’t argue.

The way you looked at me was like you were in pain from talking to me, or from looking at me. Like you just couldn’t stand it anymore. I didn’t bother asking why because that’s something that doesn’t matter.

I am proud that i actually brought up the excuses you used. You thought i didn’t find the flaw in them, when i did. You don’t just wake up one morning with a new mind set. It doesn’t happen like that.

Clingyness, yeah, not. Now you know why i did that. SO that’s off the list now. The age, and grade. SOMETHING i brought up like a long ass time ago. Something you said was just a number and you didn’t give a damn about it. LOL. If i didn’t know you how do you think i know how to get under your skin like that? Because i know you. Duh. And honestly, i’m more mature than you are. Which is sad. At least i don’t lie and i don’t do shit like you pulled.

I honestly thought that maybe it was my fault that we got screwed up. That i lost my bestfriend and i couldn’t do anything to change it. I lost the one guy that i fell inlove with. But then i realized… Your not the only bestfriend i will have, yeah maybe you were one hell of one but still, your not gonna be the only guy i love, and IT WASN’T MY FAULT. Just maybe it was yours. I’m not as big as a screw up as i thought.

When you turned around and looked like you just wanted to cry, to me at least it did. It didn’t hurt as much as i thought when i asked if you didn’t want to talk to me and you said you didn’t. Or when i said, ” do you really not want to ever look at me anymore? ” and all i got was you shaking your head no…

Then the conversation ended…. and i hope you heard me say, ” your not the person you pretended to be. ” Because honestly your not.

I didn’t fall inlove with you…. I fell inlove with who i thought you were….